I hope one day you can help me out and shed some light on how one minute you’re jumping around laughing and the next minute you’re crying hysterically naming every body part that hurts. You were absolutely fine last night and when I told you it was time to get out of the bath because it was bedtime, you begin your theatrical display of oh, whoa is me. Unlike other parents I’ve witnessed actually showing sympathy to their little ones in a time of need, I immediately jump to the conclusion that you’re a liar, a faker and a fraud. There’s no way you’re sick – you were just hitting your brother in the bath while singing at the top of your lungs, ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.’ Unfortunately for both of us, you’re still at an age where your communication skills are still sub par so when I ask you, what’s wrong – what hurts, you rattle off a what’s what of body parts. Really, you’re crying hysterically because your finger and knee hurts? It’s usually not until the second day that I take you seriously and it typically happens when you ask to take a nap. That question there is the only indicator to me that something is wrong. You cry hysterically all the time because you’re a sensitive psychopath with a dozen personalities that you flop between in a blink of an eye. Yes, I’m a horrible parent for not believing you when you say you don’t feel good and I’m horribly insensitive for believing that you, a three year old, have the skills and motivation to concoct a plan to get you out of going to bed early. I’m sorry but three year olds are crafty and I have witnessed you blatantly lie straight to my face when the evidence is right in your lap. I really do feel sorry for you if you do ever come down with something serious because I probably won’t catch on to it for a few days. That’s probably why you were blessed with a high tolerance of pain – a little something to get you through those days I’m calling you a phony.
You would think with the amount of talking you do, you would be able to throw me a bone once in a while to give me a heads up when you’re starting to feel lousy. Perhaps you’re not really sick and it’s just sheer exhaustion of talking nonstop sixteen hours a day. One day while in the bathroom of your swim school, you were washing your hands and in typical Olivia fashion, you talked on and on. Neither of us knew your teacher was in one of the stalls. When she came out, she commented on how much you have to say. It got me thinking, is there ever a time during the day that you’re not talking? The answer is no. I have a monitor and I don’t need to see if you’re sleeping. If I can’t hear you, you’re sleeping because you will literally continue to talk while your eyes are closing and the moment you wake up, you start at it again. It doesn’t even matter if you have an audience – you will talk to your stuffed animals, the ceiling, your shadow. I’m really amazed how well Miles can tune you out and sleep right through it. I’m sure this trained talent of his will land him in hot water plenty of times with a significant other or make him a phenomenal referee.
I think it is safe to say we have landed in the horrible 3’s. I remember when I first learned this term and I thought how could anything be worse than terrible 2’s? Anybody who is not familiar should look at horrible 3’s as terrible 2’s with a little more sophistication. Terrible 2’s are a time where a child just throws themselves around for no apparent reason and screams because they don’t have the vocabulary to communicate what the actual problem is. When a child is three, they’re a little more vocal in their demands and a lot more imaginative in the way they display their dissatisfaction in their parent’s actions and responses. For instance, you’re a fan of facial gestures, spitting and loud proclamations. I dislike you very much for making me use such phrases in public that I vowed I would never have to say such as, ‘I can touch your jacket if I want, I bought it’ and another classic ‘I can touch your arm if I want, I made you!’ On one joyous occasion, someone commented on how adorable Miles’ hair was. You proceeded to walk over to him and with all your might, grabbed his hair and pulled. Yes, you are a sassy spirited individual who just won’t get to a stable personality already.
On the plus side of things, you’re really in to Christmas this year and this makes me oh so happy because I really do love this holiday and your Father has always been lukewarm about it. I have put up Christmas lights, gone black Friday shopping and prepared an advent calendar all because you’re in to it. Honestly, this was one of the reasons why I had children – an excuse to get really in to the holidays. I’m thrilled when you get excited over Christmas lights or a Christmas tree and I find complete joy in doing very cliche holiday things like watching a tree lighting ceremony or decorating a gingerbread house. Before children, there’s no way I could get your Father to do these things with me even though I secretly did but now he has to – all for the sake of the children. I have to remind him that we’re creating memories – memories that will create a foundation for hopefully a normal and joyous upbringing. Although one can argue this cancels out the fact I call you a fraud when you complain of a belly ache. Nobody said parenting was easy. It’s all in the details I guess and finding a balance between joyous moments and name calling.