Dear Miles,

Somehow you missed the memo that boys are supposed to be big in to bugs or at least not bothered by them.  As of recently, you have developed a crippling fear to worms and rollie pollies.  We see them quite often on our walks and they never phased you before.  Something happened because now upon seeing them, your body grows rigid, you throw your head back and with a most brain-rattling noise, begin to scream to the heavens.  There is no talking you off a ledge at this point because you are damn certain these slow moving bugs are somehow creatures of death that will suddenly come alive and swallow you whole.  I have to be honest, half of the things aren’t even alive but that doesn’t stop you from having a full blown panic attack in the middle of the sidewalk.  I do my best to be understanding and mindful of your fears because to a child, these tiny fears can be quite traumatic–I get that.  I have a problem when we stand in the same spot on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes because you are too crippled with fear to move along on your bike.  I’ve become smart because now I just tell you it’s bird poop and that seems to put your mind at ease.  I tried using that reference for rollie pollies but somehow the image of moving bird poop was an idea too much for you.  The plus side out of all of this is you have learned to balance on your balance bike.  Of course, you do this while screaming, barreling down a hill so your feet don’t touch the bug infested sidewalks.  Oh Miles, you have so much work to accomplish before you become a man.

You continue to be absolutely smitten with school and this could be in large part to the small crush you have on your teacher, Miss Monica.  Your teachers always boast what a phenomenal student you are–always engaging with the other children and helping them when they need it.  I was very curious whether any of your infamous tantrums have come about yet and they were shocked at the mere thought of you losing your cool.  You must be bubbling at the surface by the time I pick you up because you are downright throwing yourself against the door in the car like a rabid animal.  How comforted I am to hear that you save those sweet little moments for me.

I have been extremely surprised how well you took to school with very little tears or resistance.  There was one week shortly after you started that was a little difficult and there were a couple times that I found myself staying upwards of thirty minutes trying to console you before I left.  I felt so silly that despite spending that much time with you, I was still leaving you in tears only to be told by the teachers that your tears only lasted maybe five minutes after I left.  Again, thank you for saving those performances for me you little shit.

The relationship between you and Olivia, has always been close in a weird sibling way.  You’re friends one second and then you start wrestling which turns in to tears.  As I’m reprimanding one for hurting the other, either you or Olivia will come to one another’s defense.  Despite being downright mean to each other sometimes, you can’t stay away from each other.  Me and my siblings were too far apart in age so I can’t attest to whether this is normal sibling interaction or whether you have a strong love/hate thing going on.  Despite Olivia driving you crazy and meddling with your toys, you love spending all your time with her.  Recently, Olivia has started developing relationships outside of your own and is starting to spend more and more time with her friends.  She wants to be alone with them without you interrupting and this is proving to be very hard for you.  It’s actually quite heartbreaking to see how excited you are when we pick her up from school only to watch her being dropped off again at a friend’s house.  As I’m dropping her off, I’m usually trying to drag you from the house as you scream your head off for Olivia.  I will remind you of this one day when she refuses to leave you alone.  It’s hard for you and obviously this is something that will happen time and time again as the two of you grow up.  I can’t even imagine the heartbreak that will ensue when Olivia moves in to her own room.

I have achieved maximum parenting success as of late and I feel it took a lot of work to get to this point but it’s so worth it.  You’re an early riser–that is a fact.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a Monday or a Saturday, you are up way too early.  If I tried to send you back to bed, you threw a fit or you were so loud playing in your bed, that you would most definitely wake up Olivia who is no peach if she doesn’t get her ample beauty rest.  I started just letting you play in the playroom, just outside of our bedroom, with the condition that you had to play quietly so that I could steal another half hour of rest.  This agreement has been quite the beautiful arrangement because I was finding myself getting another hour or so while you were playing quietly to yourself.  The parenting magic comes in now because thanks to your interest in coloring, you now wait for Olivia and the two of you quietly go downstairs and color for a decent part of the morning.  I’ve been waking up at 8:00!  Sure, it’s not the most responsible parenting given that I can’t quite hear what the two of you are doing downstairs but I’m confident that Olivia is a big enough tattletale that there isn’t too much that you’re going to get away with . . . I hope.  Usually you two will come upstairs when you finally can’t stand the hunger pains anymore but no longer do I wake up with a monstrous groan as I realize that I’m waking up before the sun on the weekend.  Hooray for lazy, not really responsible but really awesome parenting!  That really should be my parenting mantra.

You’re a busy boy and you definitely keep me on my toes.  Despite your tears over everything, you’re still a big ol’ sweetheart.  I wish we could move on all together from the fits and crying but sadly, it looks like that’s a strong component of your personality.  In the rare moments we can push that aside, I realize you’re just a big ball of love.  The other day, I was lying on the couch trying to rest while you and Olivia were watching a movie.  I was awakened to you throwing your lion at my head–I looked up to see what hit me and in your most sincere voice said, go ahead Momma, you can sleep with baby lion.  Another night as I was tucking you in, your eye found my wedding ring.  When you inquired as to what it was, I told you it’s the wedding ring your dad gave me when we married.  You grabbed my hand and held it to your cheek and very sweetly said, I’m gonna marry you, Momma.  Oh, be still my heart.  I have to remind myself that despite your constant outbursts and fits, these moments are so fleeting.  One day, I know I will take a walk by myself and find it too quiet and I will somehow miss yours and Olivia’s presence.  I will somehow miss those cries about a few bugs lazily creeping across the sidewalk.  One day but today, I just want you to take a deep breath and pedal through.  One day you may get over this but until then, I will happily hold your hand and help you through it.  I know, your mother being sentimental–blech!

Love,

Momma