Over the past several months, Olivia and Miles have watched me develop a tumultuous relationship with my IPhone.  Due to corrupt software and horrible service, my IPhone often craps out leading me to make various facial expressions in an attempt to keep certain words and phrases under my breath.  You could imagine my excitement when I learned Verizon was now offering service – you mean I can get a provider that allows me to use my phone in my own house?  How luxurious!  The last straw was a very sticky sticker getting stuck to my phone.  With little success removing the sticker, I bravely set forth with kids in tow to the Apple store. 

Oh the poor Apple store employee who greeted me.  If he only knew what disaster was approaching him at that minute.  I can still picture his innocent face and genuine smile.  I plopped my phone on the table and told him to upgrade me and change my provider.  I was assured it would be no problem.  He takes off to grab the phone, comes back within a few minutes and gets started.  Olivia is quietly eating her crackers and Miles is asleep but beginning to stir.  No worries, we’ll take care of this quickly.  Then the employee asks me the most dreaded question of all – are you the sole person on the AT&T account and if not, are you the primary.  Unfortunately no, Ryan is on the account and I am the primary user.  I am informed I need to call AT&T to move Ryan on to his own account so they don’t delete his information.  Ok, but I need to use another phone because my phone crashes just when I look at it.  At this point, Miles is starting to make some sounds – nothing scary but I’m aware that the time bomb has started ticking.

I call AT&T and the represenative directs me to a website where the transfer of service needs to be taken care of.  Lucky for me, I brought my IPad.  She hangs up and I proceed to follow her instructions.  I am immediately presented with the glorious word ERROR!  Miles has started crying and Olivia has decided to begin kicking the stroller in an attempt to quiet Miles.  After several attempts online and the continuous ERROR messages, the website prompts me to call AT&T.  Miles is full on screaming at this point and the poor salesman is waiting patiently.  The gentleman who answers my second call cannot help me and transfers me to the transfer team.  I am connected to a lovely woman with a wonderfully think accent.  Meanwhile, the store is bustling with customers, Miles is screaming and Olivia is declaring at that moment that she needs water.  The AT&T lady asks if I wouldn’t mind going outside so she could hear me better.  Uh, NO – I’m in the Apple store using their phone with screaming children- FIGURE THIS OUT NOW!

One hour and a half later from the time I arrived at the Apple store, I am finishing up my call with AT&T.  I may have signed over one of my children in exchange for this transfer since at one point I was just agreeing to end the call.  I am just about to end this agonizingly painful call when the represenative then proceeds to tell me about the new features AT&T has to offer.  Really?  I politely refuse while envisioning finding where she lives and driving a tank over her face.  Miles had been screaming so hard for so long, his eyes were merely slots in his swollen red face and Olivia managed to find a very small scab on her face and itch it so profusely that she had blood smeared every where.  Since I was preoccupied conversing with the trolls of AT&T, I didn’t have a chance to look up to view my surruoundings.  The patrons within a 5 foot radius of me were glaring at me with the most intense vicious eyes I have ever seen.  I think had this been biblical times, I may have been stoned.  I didn’t care – I felt relieved and excited over this small box that was just placed in my hands containing the contents of pure glory.  We marched out of the Apple store victorious with only minor casualties.  No fewer than 10 steps out of the store, Miles quietly closes his eyes and falls asleep.

This picture was taken 1 hour from leaving the Apple store.  The puffiness is slowly subsiding and he will soon be able to watch me enjoy my new phone to its full potential.  Needless to say, I don’t think Miles wants to be an AT&T customer in the near future.