Tales from the gym

I’ve been going to the same gym for a year now and it’s a pretty posh place.  I decided to pay a little extra for a nice new gym because it’s a heck of alot more motivating to go work out at a nice place vs an old sad run down facility with geriatrics teaching jazzercise.  I’ve been going to the gym alot lately to help shed the remnants of O’s old home and to give myself a little escape from the screaming in the ear and the muddy pants.  I’m not sure if the new year has brought forth an myriad of “special” individuals at the gym or maybe they have been there the whole time and I’m just noticing them. 

I’ve especially have noted the fact that I’m the only female at my gym, besides the big-boned women that linger in the back of classes, who doesn’t wear a brand new matching twin-set workout outfit.  I wear old jogging shorts and my Boston tee and I feel underdressed.  I’m at a freakin gym and I feel underdressed because not only am I not wearing presentable workout attire, I’m also not wearing makeup.  Blasphemy you say but it’s true.  I’m not sure how many of you watch the show “How I Met Your Mother,” but I constantly think about one particular episode where they all workout together at a gym and they all tease Robin because she wears gross old baggy clothes, no makeup and she looks like a hot mess – that’s me at the foo-foo gym. 

A woohoo girl has started participating in my Tae-bo class.  Tae-bo is basically kickbox aerobics on crack and it requires a great deal of coordination – which I don’t have.  I go because I work so hard, my legs sweat and I measure how hard I’m working by which extremities are sweating.  I usually don’t have beads of sweat originating from my legs so I figure I must be working pretty hard for that to happen.  Anyways, I digress – this girl all of a sudden appeared in class and she belts out a WOOHOO when the teacher has us kick.  She’s not very coordinated and can hardly follow what we’re doing but kicking apparently excites her because as we’re high-stepping, she’s shouting WOOHOO, YEAH.  Even the teacher was looking at her with an expression like “what the hell is this?”  I’m in the back of the class trying desperately not to laugh because I’m not sure if the girl is 100% with it if you know what I mean.  I’m trying to be pc here so draw your own conclusions.

I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with the farters at the gym.  You know who they are – you get a big ol whiff of it as you’re taking a really big inhale and you feel like you’re getting slapped in the face by an outhouse.  I seriously gagged in class yesterday from someone who was a repeat offender and one of the devil puffs nearly took me down.  It didn’t help that the ac was broken so the class was 90 degrees and I had no oxygen.  I had to put my hand up to my mouth at one point because I seriously thought I was going to lose it. 

I have many more tales from the gym but I’ll let you digest these for awhile.

2 responses to “Tales from the gym”

  1. Gas in the gym… hmm !! I would move far far away from old people as they have the ability to store vast quantities of gas and to release it without flinching. Old people can develop gas bubbles from eating Saltine crackers or white chalk. Its can drop you to your knees if you keep your head in a gas cloud too long so for heaven sake hold your breath and move away quickly it might even turn your hair grey or silver just look around at some old people most of them have grey or silver hair from breathing it for years.. you can never be too careful… I know..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.