I’m not sure why this particular entry has been so difficult to write – I have seriously tried writing this entry 3 times already and have started over. Perhaps my OCD is getting the best of me??? I think it’s safe to say that I always write how much you’ve grown each month and your personality is developing and so on and so forth. Sure, that has all happened but there have been some really memorable moments this past month that I want to document before I completely lose my mind and can no longer function properly. Promise me one thing, don’t go cheap on the rest home for me – make sure it’s decent and doesn’t smell. If you wouldn’t spend one night there, it’s not the right place.
But, I digress. . . there have been a few moments that really grab your heart and remind you why you’re a parent. They may not seem like much on the surface to someone else but these are moments that you want to remember whole-heartedly. For example: lately I’ve been carrying you around everywhere. Simply for the fact that it is easier to hold you then chase you down around the house. I typically hold you while preparing breakfast, brushing my teeth and for the most part, getting ready. I know most of you reading this are thinking, “oh god Jen – you’re doing it – you’re making her spoiled.” Yes, I probably am but I’m doing whatever makes the day go by easier. It might be hell later but I’m living in the moment. Anyways, I typically hold you while I put on mascara and curl my eyelashes. You do this wonderful thing where you look in the mirror at me while I curl my lashes and you rest your head on my shoulder and smile at me. It may not sound like much to you but it’s one of those things that can instantly perk up your day.
It typically takes you a good half hour or so to fall asleep at night – this is due to the fact that you’re busy talking to your stuffed animals. I go into your room a few times to lay you down for you to simply turn right around and stand up. We do this a few times until you finally settle down look up at me and smile. Your eyes get heavy and you eventually fall asleep but it’s that smile – that smile that I think could empty savings accounts. You use the smile to your advantage kid – keep using it and you will go far.
This has definitely been a month of firsts; our first overnight away from eachother which your father will proclaim as one of the biggest heartaches I have ever experienced. Your first visit to the pool which went far better than I could have ever anticipated. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I am that you’re not scared of water. What would I do with a child who has no interest in swimming? Your first time saying momma and dada – both not entirely directed at us but special nonetheless. Although, I have to say I have been hearing subtle mommas being cried out from the other room. Your attempt to say hi actually comes out huh and the early stages of waving. Right now you only wave to yourself or your food – the important things really.
You must be going thru some kind of growth spurt right now because you’re eating just about anything we give you. Your Dr has basically given us the green light to give you anything and everything except nuts and cow’s milk so we play this fun game called “what will you eat next!” The combinations of food is certainly not pretty but it’s basically anything we have at an arm’s reach so we don’t have to hear the god awful whine that you bellow out. The sound could really force people to gouge out their eyes and rip off their ears.
This really has been a wonderful month. There are still many moments that I can’t believe I’m a mother and I question everyday whether I’m doing everything possible to give you a decent life. There are many changes happening with the move into our first house – hopefully you can hold off on any first steps until we get there. You’re just developing leaps and bounds that I’m sure next month will bring forth a whole new batch of wonderful memories. These are the moments that I’m thankful that I can devote my days to spending time with you – I can’t even imagine not experiencing this. For awhile I’ve been contemplating when to have my next child and there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to share what we have with another. If you would have asked me a few months ago, it would have been a completely different answer but I can understand why some people choose to have an only child. I’m not going that far but know that you will always be my baby – what we have today cannot be measured nor diminished by the arrival of another child. The bond I share with you will always be infinite. Until then, we have all the time in the world – you can keep obsessing over my ears and climbing on top of all sorts of things you’re not supposed to. I love you kiddo.