Newsletter, Olivia

Month 10

Today while out and about running errands, I witnessed a mother pushing a shopping cart with a hysterical child sitting in the front.  Not an unusual event by any means.  The child was obviously having a temper tantrum – tossing her arms, kicking her feet, screaming “NO NO NO!”  The mother, obviously frustrated, grabs her child and with a look of complete defeat across her face she yells “STOP IT!”  As she is trying to hold her frantic child and push a shopping cart, a woman rushes to her side and offers to push her cart for her.  The woman stops as she tries to shift the child from one arm to another and I watch the woman just break down.  The look on her face was clear exhaustion and anguish.  At this moment, I felt a huge sigh of relief that I’m not the only one that feels way in over my head.  Granted, I’ve had my moments when I want to scream to the heavens “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME – STOP IT, STOP IT NOW!!!”  I’ve experienced moments like this woman – none that I have displayed in public but it’s comforting to know that we all have our bad days and it’s ok to wave a white flag of defeat in the face of your demanding child. 

The white flag has been a permanent fixture this past month – while you begin to display likes and many many dislikes, I’ve had the pleasure of also orchestrating a very loooong move to our new home.  Who ever says moving with a baby is easy as pie is off their meds because it is one of the hardest, most exhausting things I have ever gone through.  Moving is a beast onto itself not to mention buying your first home but throwing a baby into it is just madness.  I seriously may have considered waiting a year or so if I knew it would have been so chaotic.  Any kind of routine we established with you was immediately tossed out the window – you wouldn’t sleep, you wouldn’t eat.  We’re finally entering our third week in our new home and dust is finally beginning to settle.  You still wake up in the middle of the night but it’s a hell of alot better than you waking up three times. 

The pleasure we once shared with you spending hours on end in your stroller is quickly whittling away.  You no longer find satisfaction in jarred food and you insist on climbing stairs with no clear plan how to get back down.  One of your favorite activities is to pull all your books out of your shelves and open any drawer you can lay your fingers on.  Yes folks, I believe we are starting the early transition from infant to toddler.  Typing the “T” word just sent shivers down my spine – no joke.  With each day that passes, the idea of you having a sibling is becoming less and less.  Seriously, how does one do it with multiple children.  I only have you and I’m a hot mess.  I walk around with food in my hair and random stains on my shirt – this is tough work!  No lie, I seriously think this is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had – EVER!  At least with my other jobs, I could sneak behind my boss’s back and surf the internet, call in sick, take an extra long lunch.  No no, the pleasure I seek now is alone time while going to the bathroom and you’re even starting to intrude on that time now too – don’t think I don’t hear your little baby nails scratching at the door – Yes, yes, Momma hears you – I’m so sorry I had to empty my bladder, it won’t happen again.

This month has been especially trying and I know it’s in great part to the move.  Don’t get me wrong, I love watching you become your own person each day and you are saccharin sweet.  I truly sigh a heavy sigh of relief when you finally fall asleep at night but I still get equally excited to greet you in the morning.  OH, the tumultuous life of a new mother!  Don’t break out your violin for me yet young one, I’m looking to make a comeback real soon. . . .

Love,

Momma

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