Month 14, Version 2.0

Month 14, Version 2.0

Dear Miles,

I have made the realization that you understand quite a bit more than I give you credit for.  Your vocabulary is still nil but you have some how grasped the idea of torment and vengeance.  I remember all those days we warned Olivia to stop tormenting you because there would come a day that you would understand vengeance and there wasn’t a damn thing we were going to do to stop it.  Well, that day has come.  You enjoy walking around the house with your golf club like it’s a scepter and you proceed to follow Olivia and wave it around in her face.  She places a toy on a table, you walk over with your scepter and knock it down.  She proudly stacks blocks to an impressive height and you proudly walk over and knock it down.  Olivia goes to the bathroom and while she seeks privacy, you seek an opportunity to torment her with a golf club while she sits vulnerable on a toilet.  Little did I know that I would all ready being hearing the words, “Mom, please call Miles – I need my privacy!”  Oh Miles, you are going to bring a whole new meaning to the title, royal pain.  Your constant need to tease and destroy comes from a long lineage of fellow harassers.  Your Great-Grandfather was a Granddaddy of non-stop verbal teasing and your Grandpa is quite similar.  Growing up, I quickly learned that to tolerate a pestering family member, one would have to become a master at patience and tuning out outside noises or become a master of annoyance.  Patience has never been my strong suit so I picked up on the latter of the two.  It would make perfect sense that my offspring would continue on with this legacy. 

Like I mentioned earlier, your vocabulary is still rather slim.  You say Momma, Dada, and that.  ‘That’ is the word du jour of the moment.  You say it over and over as you point in a general direction and I spend a good ten minutes figuring out what ever it is that has caught your attention.  I remember when Olivia was this age, her vocabulary was also rather small – she too only said a total of three words and I remember panicking because I would see other children her age clearly vocalizing cat, dog, baby and I remember clearly thinking what a bunch of over achiever babies there were in the world.  I’m not worrying about you because your sister talks enough for the both of you and I know one day, you too will probably talk my ear off if I haven’t already cut them off. 

This is a trying age because you’re mobile but still unable to voice your needs and wants so there is a lot of frustration being exhibited on both our parts.  You are still incredibly clingy and never ever leave my side unless I actually pick you up and place you on the other side of the baby gate so I can attempt to clean a toilet without you interpreting it as playtime in the potty.  Life with a needy toddler can be both physically and emotionally draining but there are moments when I put all my responsibilities aside and I sit on the floor to just be with you.  You hear the ever so faint sound of my derriere hitting carpet and you come running from the far corner of the house with a huge smile.  A smile so big that makes me forget every hardship we had to overcome that day.  You run as fast as your chubby little legs can carry you and dive head first in to my lap where you proceed to nuzzle in for the night.  This is heaven to me.  You seem to consider this “our” thing because when Olivia attempts to sit in my lap, you swing at her and run away crying.  Yes, your tantrums still involve you running away and crying.  You typically return a few minutes later to see if the situation has improved any and if it hasn’t, you run away again with tears bigger than golf balls. 

In addition to the simple pleasure of having you lounge in my lap is allowing you to run around naked before your bath.  Only a parent can do this because obviously if another person is watching my child prance around naked, we have a problem.  As a Mother though, this is my right and I exercise it religiously.  I find nothing cuter than watching a disproportioned cute chubby baby discover the thrill of being naked.  For what ever reason, when you’re naked, you love to stomp your feet like an adorable midget sumo wrestler.  Of course, we have had the occasional naked accidents which include you being so excited that you ran in to the bathroom and slipped and hit your head on the ground and the other time you were also excited and peed all over the non-absorbent Ikea bath mat which you then proceeded to splash in.  You’re probably thinking to youself, why did I allow you to splash in your own puddle of pee but little do you understand that babies are super fast.  I was literally standing within steps of you brushing Liv’s teeth and in the moment I realized you were peeing all over yourself and the floor, you were already having a pool party.

Christmas is less than a week away and I can promise you it will be a whole lot better than your first Christmas – you know, the Christmas that almost wasn’t because of your little health scare that landed us in Children’s Hospital for far too long.  I don’t care if you’re vomiting glitter and sprinkles, we’re not going to any hospital until after Christmas so save the drama for then.  We paid a visit to the mall Santa and as expected, you hated Santa but flirted a bit with the Asian elf.  You’re a ladykiller and I will never be prepared for the amount of attention I expect you to receive from girls.  No girl will ever be good enough for you so don’t even bother bringing them around.  Please stay my little Tiger Bear forever.  Please? 




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