Month 54, Version 2.0

Month 54, Version 2.0

Dear Miles,

You’re a demanding boy, that’s not breaking news. I secretly dread the two days during the week when Liv is in school all day and you don’t have school and it’s just you and me. I try to really relish these moments but you make it so damn hard. Thank goodness for your sister because she tolerates a lot from you. You’re certainly not an easy-going child and you make it well known if something is not to your liking. WHY IS THE SUN SHINING IN MY EYES!?! WHY DON’T WE HAVE CIRCLE CHEESE!?! WHY IS MY AIRPLANE SHIRT DIRTY!?! Why are you such a pain in the ass?

Mad at me because you drew on your own face

Realizing that you truly thrive in my absence, I jumped at the opportunity to register you at the public school for developmental kindergarten next year where you will be in school all five days. FIVE DAYS! Did I mention it’s also free? The excitement alone has made my skin looking more radiant–I’m a new woman!

You struggle on a daily basis with things not going your way. Like I mentioned, you’re not an easy-going child and so when things aren’t fully to your satisfaction, you get upset. Really really upset. Baseball for instance is your favorite sport right now. You love teeball and appear to be really enjoying yourself. That is of course when you’re playing the position that you want to play. When you are forced to play a position that you don’t care for, you make it known by essentially refusing to play the position. Take for instance the day you were asked to play catcher. You put on the catcher’s uniform to your dismay, slowly dragged yourself to your position and then continued to stand while looking at your feet for the entire inning in protest. You wanted to play first base last week but the position was already taken so you were forced to play a supporting position. Nope, you weren’t having that either and sat down and drew pictures in the dirt. The day you were forced to wear a batting helmet with a chin strap proved to also be another impossible moment for you as you refused to put forth any effort in hitting the ball and then walked to first base to show your disapproval for the whole situation. It is true that in that moment, we actually booed you from the stands. Never did I actually think I was capable of booing my own child at a teeball game but the action deemed worthy for your ugly behavior.


You recently started swimming lessons again after a couple rough outings. You’re not a fan of water–I’m accepting this even though it’s a straight dagger to my heart. You don’t have to love water but I feel strongly that you at least need to learn how to swim for safety reasons. It’s been a year since we last attempted lessons and I feel you’re old enough now to get over what ever fears you’re still hanging on to. You cried for the entirety of the first class and held on to the top step as if you were holding on for dear life as your boat capsized. You were dramatic. Thankfully, your swim teacher, Miss Melissa, is extremely patient, hilarious and refuses to give up on you. We’re six weeks in and finally you’re relaxing to the point where you don’t look like you’re about to have an emotional breakdown at any given moment. It’s a very strange thing though because you’re not at all afraid of jumping into the pool and your fear for the ocean appears to be non-existent. You are a strange little boy.

Over spring break, we did go to the beach which is proving to be delightful little family outings. You are finally loving the beach which if I can’t get you to love swimming, this is the next best thing for me. Surprisingly, you’re becoming fearless with the ocean which is a little nerve-racking for me since you don’t know how to swim. You were so excited to play in the waves, that I had to make sure that I was prepared to dive in and rescue you in case you found yourself in a scary situation. Let’s think about this: big, vast ocean–no fear. Small, happy swimming pool–water bowl of death. You’re so confused, it rattles my brain.


Liv has been really embracing her big sister role lately and has enjoyed playing school with you where she creates these really elaborate work sheets for you that can range anywhere from identifying shapes to playing tic-tac-toe. I’ll admit, her teachings are a little bizarre. Take for instance her geography lessons where she proclaimed the only interesting places one should travel to are Somalia and Morocco. You love to participate and I equally enjoy the fact that I can sit back with a frosty beverage as your six year old sister prepares you for kindergarten. You see, I did this all wrong. I should have had you now so that I could have pawned off diaper duty to your very willing sister. *Palm to forehead.


Examples of Olivia’s worksheets

We have a running joke in the family that you’ll make a great sports commentator one day because you live for the slow motion instant replay. A day doesn’t go by where we’re not shown at least a dozen times how your man or car did this, where you will then proceed to move your toy in slow motion through the air. You stand in front of the television when baseball is playing and recreate the plays in slow motion with your golf club that you use as a baseball bat. It’s funny how the boy who can’t stand still, loves slow motion. Can you smell the irony?

I feel limited in the number of things we can do because of your personality. You get bored easily and certainly have an opinion about everything. Lord help us all when you’re not happy. I wish you were more proactive in changing circumstances but instead you resort to melting down and making it someone else’s problem e.g., me. I truly believe it was easier to embark on adventures with a baby–when they cry, it’s typically because of 1 of 3 things and you never have to hear the dreaded words, I’m bored. I’ll admit that I’m reluctant to try new things with you for fear that I will have to deal with the wrath of Miles if you’re unhappy. I know, not very motherly of me–I should embrace the person you are in entirety–faults and all but sometimes I’m really tired. You beat me down to the point that I would rather hide in the pantry and stress eat than create a memory. Well, a positive memory at least. Despite this, I remain hopeful that this complex personality of yours will result in a great strong mind that will change the world for the better one day. That or your teachings from “Olivia’s Day School” would have prepared you to be the princess you were always destined to be. Either way, despite your difficult ways, you are and will always be loved. Even if that love is displayed by groans, eye rolls and stress eating. Lots and lots of stress eating




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