Dear Olivia,

Things are getting quite intense in the O’Donnell household as the impending arrival of #2 draws closer.  As each day passes, I get more and more nervous about the arrival of #2 since each day you become more and more of a toddler.  Your volume control is certainly broken and you have developed a lovely habit of screaming “MOMMA!” if you can’t locate me in the near vicinity.  Actually, I take that back – you scream it even when I’m standing directly in front of you and you just feel like a shout.  Being pregnant and taking care of a toddler has to be one of the most ambitious tasks I have ever undertaken.  At this stage of my pregnancy, I should be cooing over baby clothes and sitting back and rubbing my belly imagining what the little darling will look like.  No no, instead I’m on all fours wiping up residual pee from your potty training, picking up random books and the dog’s poop bags and whatever else you can get your little paws on.  Meanwhile, I’m doing all this while trying to make sure my stomach doesn’t fall out of my ass.  I have the glorious luck of having the most active fetus on the planet doing tap dances on my bladder while you’re at the end of the hall screaming “MOMMA!”  It’s certainly not the pregnancy I had with you and I look back at that time with such fond memories.

I am conflicted because I want the pregnancy to be over so I can just enjoy a nice cocktail and relieve this agonizing pain in my right ass cheek.  I’m tired of feeling like at any given moment my muscles are going to buckle and whoops, there’s the baby. Although, that would certainly take care of the talk of where do babies come from.  I’m just not on my game right now – no caffeine and no alcohol.  It was easy to do that the first time around – I wasn’t chasing a rabid toddler.  On the other hand, I know what lies at the end of this adventure and that’s so frightening, I have no words.  I’m literally speechless.

On to a new topic – I must say, you are some kind of alphabet prodigy.  I’ve never seen a 22 month old take on the alphabet as awesome as you are.  Maybe I just haven’t been around a lot of 22 month olds but it’s astonishing to watch you with your alphabet puzzle and recite letters back to me.  I’m a little in awe and quite frankly, I want to take this little act on the road and see how much money we can make.  Let’s earn your keep shall we?

Your artistic skills are quite something to observe – you color with such intent and precision, it’s no shock that you are a child of two art-loving fools.  I’m sure to any stranger that looks at your coloring books is probably thinking, what’s so special about this crap – she can’t even stay in the lines.  But in the eyes of your parents, it’s clear what you are attempting to color with each hand stroke. We have become those parents that applaud at scribbles and afternoon bowel movements in the potty.  Your father and I have made this realization and have since set up a savings account so we can get out and travel more often.  I think it’s a necessity if we are required to act as somewhat normal citizens in society.

This past month, you went on your first camping trip complete with hippies and public drunkeness.  You survived a full weekend somewhat well with just one 20 minute nap.  You slept perfectly despite people playing all sorts of music into the wee hours of the evening and an incident when a very drunk man stumbled into our campground looking for a corkscrew.  The weekend went far better than we could have ever anticipated.  All I can say is thank you God for snowcones.

I apologize now for any long lasting trauma I inflict on you – I’m sleep deprived, uncomfortable and not caffeinated.  I’m doing my best to manage my discomforts and not take it out on you.  As long as we’re clearing the air, I would also like to apologize for throwing your teddy bear at your head.  You caught me at a bad moment – I’m thinking all is good because it didn’t result in any tears.  Your father and I are taking a little getaway at the end of the month so hopefully I can catch up on some sleep and take back some energy you have stolen from me.  That’s right I said it, you’re a thief.  It’s ok though because you’re cute. 

Things will get better, I promise.  A soy pumpkin spice latte with whip is in the near future and all will be right in the world again.

Love,

Momma

BTW – I’m only posting this one picture this month because I think it’s the perfect snapshot of how we’ve both been generally feeling.  I’m confused, you’re angry – hello month 22!