I had one of those moments last month when I realized you’re growing up way too fast. We took a tour of a preschool. STOP THE PRESSES! You are in fact almost ready for preschool. I’m not talking about daycare that is discuised as preschool but real preschool. We had the opportunity to sit in for part of the class and I was totally taken back as to how old these 3-year olds looked. No way my baby is going to be this big in a few short months! I could see the realization in your eyes what was potentially happening and you made an effort to tell me that you loved me several times in a 20 minute time span. No, I’m not leaving you yet but the time will come and I will probably be the one telling you how much I love you at a record rate from the time we leave the car until we get to your class. Will there be a group of sobbing mothers outside the class on the phone with their doctors asking for a heavy duty anti-depressant? No? Just me? I was doing fine when we left the class until I witnessed the pre-K kids playing in the playground. You’re kidding me that these kids are only a couple years older than you! Forget it, I’m just going to start drinking now.
I can always figure out where you are in the house because when I sneeze, you always shout out “BLESS YOU MOMMA!” No matter where you’re at or what you’re doing, I can always count on that. I could sneeze upstairs and I will hear a muffled “BLESS YOU MOMMA!” from the downstairs bathroom. You now know how to add the magic word please to what ever it is you really want. “Momma can I have a cookie . . . . . PLLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEE.” “Momma, one more book . . . . PLLLLEEEEAAASSSSEEEE.” At first, how could I say no to your newfound politeness but now I know you’re using the word as a weapon. Just like you bat your eyelashes at me when you know you’re in trouble.
We are starting to use your cuteness to our benefit. We take you to the nearby sushi restaurant because they bring out so much free food! You get edamame, japanese chicken nuggets, tofu, ice cream – ALL FREE! You eat very little so it’s more for us! You’re typically only interested in the orange balls on top of Dad’s sushi. Whatever, I’m eating free edamame! As you may recall, this is the same restaurant where the lady picked you up and carried you somewhere within the restaurant and I nearly had a heart attack. Yes, it’s the same lady but I know I can locate you on a moments notice if I sneeze so no more anxiety.
You depend way too much on horribly heinous kid shows including Dino Dan and The Fresh Beat Band which would make any adult start using intravenous drugs instantly. You’re currently very excited to watch the special Valentine’s Day Dora episode where the grumpy ol’ bridge troll is getting married. Seriously? Why am I not having you read more books? Oh yes, it’s because I caved after you asked for T.V. 972 times in 20 minutes while your brother was screaming his head off. I am learning quite a bit including a little tidbit from Diego where I learned an iguana eats strawberries and then proceeds to poop the seeds in nice little piles which allows for more strawberries to grow. Are you kidding me? Did I really just watch this or am I dreaming about these shows again? Oh no, it was in fact very real and I quickly threw out all strawberries in the refrigerator.
In light of the Disney World trip we are taking next month, we purchased several classic Disney movies to get you acquainted with the Disney characters. First up, “Alice in Wonderland.” Never have I seen a child so bored in my entire life. Ok, how about “Sleeping Beauty?” No? You then proceeded to ask for Shrek and Diego. Yes Diego! The same cartoon that brought you iguanas pooping strawberry seeds. Get with it Disney – little girls don’t want to watch princesses. They want to watch animals dropping turds!
I have no idea if I’m a good Mother or if I’m providing you with the things you need. Am I really supposed to serve you a vegetable every night at dinner or have regular playdates with other kids? I’m a little fearful of my parenting ability when I find you sitting on the stairs grunting “I’m mad!” Another favorite of mine is when we’re playing with your kitchen and you hand me a a play milk carton and you add “I hope you like it” and you quickly snatch it from my hands and yell “ENOUGH!” I usually stare at you with my mouth wide open staring at you blankly wondering to myself, do I really say these things? You are going through a small “oh, crap” phase that I take full responsibility for. Fortunately for me, when people ask where you learned that from, I can say you’re referencing your favorite Diego episode and happily direct them in the right direction.