Month 2, Version 2.0

Month 2, Version 2.0

Dear Miles,

Man oh man, I forget how needy newborns are.  Geesh, always crying and wanting something.  Who do you think you are – a Kardashian?  You don’t know who that is and you’re a smarter person for not knowing.  I give you some credit because you are sleeping at night – it’s just the other 15 hours in the day when you’re awake and don’t know what else to do so you cry.  I’m back to taking lots of drives because like your sister, this is the only relief I get.  All I can say is thank God for drive thru Starbucks. 

At your last doctor check, I made some effort to explain in great detail to your doctor how much you cry in an attempt to give you some kind of anti-depressant.  They make Zoloft for children, right?  I’m thinking this can’t be normal that you’re so fussy.  I do have vague memories of your sister crying constantly and I get little spits of things I did with Olivia.  I remember holding her in all sorts of weird positions in any attempt to make her stop crying.  I’m sure people were criticizing my technique but honestly in a time of need, any thing that will work will be done.  I’m breaking every rule in the parenting book for you son.  We’re giving the big ol’ middle finger to all of those so-called experts because they’re not the ones who have to listen to you.  Call the church elders because I’m laying you on your stomach to sleep, I’m taking naps while holding you, I’m leaving you unattended with Olivia, I’m carrying you around the house in your bouncy chair and you’re not even strapped in.  I’m not doing these things in an effort to hurt you – they just happen this way.  These things are effective some times and they allow me to do basic things like going to the bathroom and checking Facebook – all very important things Miles.

Now as a Mother, I find myself doing all sorts of things that would make you sick to your stomach.  I never thought I would be sniffing around your diapers to check the color and consistency but sadly, this has become a daily activity.  In the wake of your newfound vocal cords, I noticed a little blood in your diaper which gave me the oh crap moment of “I’m breaking my baby!”  Due to this little discovery, I spent most of the weekend like some poop fanatic.  Ryan would change your diaper and I would yell from the other room – “is that a poopy one? Don’t throw it away – I need to take a look.”  And like some forensic specialist, I would do my dirty work – so to speak.  I’m sure anyone else watching this would for sure lose their lunch but when you become a Mother, you’re suddenly immune to nasties like this. 

Like a proud citizen, I called up your doctor with the newfound discovery that you have had 7 discolored diapers this weekend.  This information in addition to your fussy attitude has made your doctor believe that you may have a cow protein sensitivity and that I have to eliminate butter, cheese, and milk from my diet.  Say what?  I ask if these two problems are the result of the bazooka in your butt that unleashes a force like no other when you crap.  For sure this force must be causing some damage.  She assures me all that is normal and she really feels it’s a sensitivity and I should eliminate these items from my diet pronto.  That’s right – you’re little sensitivity is removing the things I hold dearest to my heart.  You honestly don’t know how much of something you consume until you are forced to remove it from your diet.  You might get a taste of formula sooner than you think – when I made the realization that this little diet cutback means no chocolate for me, I suddenly got the addiction sweats.  My hands got clammy and I started to salivate.  Chocolate, I need CHOCOLATE!  I really am like a toddler in this aspect, you tell me I can’t have a certain food like chocolate and it’s all I think about.  I’m looking at you now and instead of your adorable little face, all I see is a delicious milkdud.  I pray you either have a stomach bug or you grow out of this fast and fast like yesterday.  I love you more than anything but when I go to the French Laundry at the end of the month, be prepared for the biggest stomach pains of your life because I’m going balls to the wall and eating everything.  You can deal – I have faith.

You can smile on cue now which is gut-wrenchingly adorable.  You smile with your whole face and always make out some little coo when you do it.  It’s one of those things as a parent that make you forget the hardships of the day with those few seconds of pure cuteness.  As much as these days are difficult and draining to the very core, I also know that they will pass and it’s amazing how fast we forget these difficult days.  I think it’s imperative to the human race that people forget these days or we would stop having children after the first.  Ryan claims how perfect Olivia was when she was your age but thanks to my little journal here, I can prove otherwise.  Some of the same tricks work (i.e. Nutcracker Waltz of the Flowers puts both of you out in a moment of desperate need).  I swear when we finally take you to the Nutcracker Ballet, you’ll both pass out 5 minutes in and not know why.  Other times I have to get a little creative but it’s all in the name of being a parent to a newborn.  It’s all about making it thru the day in one piece.  Even if that one piece looks a little scrappy, it’s still considered a successful day.  Here’s to being scrappy!




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.