Summer is here which means I have two very bored children on my hands. Thank goodness I decided to join a cabana club (not as fancy as it sounds) because otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do with your energy. Boredom is good. Boredom is a right of passage. You and your sister are so bored, I often watch you two just wandering aimlessly, talking to yourselves. Summer of Awesome has officially returned after last year’s successful inaugural season but even with a list of fun outings and activities for us to do as a family, there is downtime and you and your sister struggle hard. Believe me, I like doing fun things and would love to spend the whole summer spending an endless amount of money on admission tickets, sugary snacks and other unnecessary items but I’m a grown up and we’re all boring with our boring grown up responsibilities. So as it stands, if we’re not at Olivia’s swim team practice, you’re at home complaining. I usually throw up my hands in parental defeat some time shortly after lunch and we embark for the swimming pool.
I am beyond ecstatic that you have overcome your fear of the water. It is glorious to go to a swimming pool and not listen to you scream about a leaf that is floating too close to you or whine profusely because I won’t hold you when you’re not sitting on the steps. I love swimming so you can imagine how much your attitude towards the water bummed me out. You were a buzzkill. Thankfully, with a few swim lessons under your belt and a teensy bit more maturity, you’re a whole new kid this summer. We go to the pool and swim all the livelong day and it’s everything I imagined it to be.
No summer is complete without a trip to the Alameda County Fair. We happened to go on a rare non-triple digit day so it was actually quite enjoyable. You finally reached the magical height that allowed you to ride most of the rides without an adult. I love rides but not after consuming a couple glasses of chardonnay. We purchased wristbands for unlimited rides and it was one of the best purchases ever made. Since it was a cool day and in the middle of the week, we pretty much had the fair to ourselves which meant Dad and I could sit back with an adult beverage while you and your sister rode every ride half a dozen times each. Parenting win.
You had many highlights that evening, one of which being the motorbikes. I have never seen you exhibit so much joy. With every trick the bikes performed, you threw your hands in the air followed by a triumphant, YEAH! When the snowmobile came out and started doing flips, you damn near lost your mind.
Another shining moment for you was the animal room. You’re now somewhat obsessed with having a bunny for a pet. Good Lord, it will never happen but a boy can dream. You bounced from cage to cage, squealing at a pitch that could make eardrums bleed. It’s probably best you didn’t hold any of them as I’m sure your overwhelming feelings of love would surely have suffocated them.
For Father’s Day, you’re as crazy as your Dad so you two ran a 5k while Liv and I sat back with breakfast in hand, prepared to cheer you on across the finish line. Well, Olivia had breakfast in her hand. I was recovering from a super fun night of stomach flu but I refused to miss your run. I even bought Father’s Day appropriate apparel for the race because I’m weird like that. You’re a pretty arrogant little thing so you began trash talking the second you learned you would be running with Dad. Knowing your insane energy level, I actually thought your trash talk held some merit. I awoke bright and early the morning of the run because sleeping next to the toilet isn’t as fun as it sounds. I emerged from the closet to find you jogging in place next to Dad’s sleeping head. Apparently, you needed more exercise.
We arrived quite early at the race to make sure we found parking and you were adamant that you do some stretching and push-ups to warm up beforehand. You’re a strange little boy. The race began and 33 minutes later, you crossed the finish line. Now, I have ran a 5k and I ran the damn thing in 30 minutes and wanted to vomit on everyone and everything. You cross the finish line and immediately ask for ice cream. I want people to know that you are five years old and running 5k races with minimal effort. I want people to understand the insane amount of energy I have been trying to rein in for the last five years. Do you understand my exhaustion?
It’s impressive but knowing how you are constantly vibrating, I’m not all that surprised. The problem is when you’re five years old kicking butt in 5k races, you’re pretty much competing with kids 2-3 years older than you. I don’t know a lot of five year olds running 1o minute miles so you’re typically the youngest but that means you fall in the under 9 category which is a tough one. Despite running against 8 and 9 year olds, you still managed to come in 6th place in your age group. Not a bad thing at all. In fact, I’m so happy because it means Dad finally has his running partner and he can stop nagging me. Look at you, finally showing your worth.
There’s still a lot of summer left which leaves me conflicted. I love our new summer traditions but having bored children is a major mood killer. Thankfully, you can find things to do when others are around. When you’re by yourself or alone with your sister, those are the moments I need a pillow to scream into. At Olivia’s swim meets, you disappear for hours and usually return with no shirt and body paint. Random people walk up and start talking to you and you clearly know who they are. It’s just a random thing to witness when you have a very social five year old. You’re very much in tune now with the opposite sex and I’m not sure if that’s due to your new older social circle from the swim meets or your natural boyish behavior. You like to openly urinate in public, much to my chagrin, tell girls how much you love them and have developed an artistic knack for drawing busty cartoon characters. I’m suddenly aware that your dad needs to spend much more time with you because I’m not prepared nor equipped to handle what is coming.
*Palm permanently planted on my forehead*
2 responses to “Month 68, Version 2.0”
Love your blog! My sister, Dee Williams told me to follow you and I love to see what you and your family are up to
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